I seriously need an infusion of funny. Head back, mouth open, big guffaw laughter funny. Americas Funniest Videos the guy gets scared by a prank and screams like a girl and runs in place funny. Anything other than 'look at that tantrum, for no reason, funny'. That one is getting old.
Things I never imagined I would hear myself saying:
"Son, get out of my makeup."
"Put my bra down."
"That red thing is the dog's weanie. Do not touch it!"
"Get your foot out of your brothers underwear. "
We are experiencing the 'end of the school year' antsies. No one wants to get out of bed in the mornings, unless it is a weekend, at which time they vault out of bed at dawn minus two and make tons of noise. No one wants to finish their homework. No one wants to get dressed. No one wants to do what they need to do to get out the door in the mornings. Ahem.....that might actually be me. I'm not admitting to anything.
Yesterday one small boy did his best to impersonate Eeyore. Woe is me. Everything is awful. Life is bad. etc. I asked him to find his shoes and he proceeded around the house with his face pointed at the ceiling whining and moaning and NOT finding his shoes. Well heck, I didn't wear them! I am NOT going to find them for him. He can go to school with baggies on his feet. In the meantime, in his OCD manner, he had been asking for 36 hours to be allowed to sharpen a pencil. Every 20 minutes, without fail, never giving up. (Exactly what the charm was in sharpening a pencil, I have NO idea) So I told him if he got his shoes on, he could sharpen his pencil. He then stomped harder around the room, found the shoes sitting within eyesight (I saw them the whole time) shoved them on his feet and grabbed his pencil. I let him sharpen it and he was the happiest camper you ever did see.
I have a joke for you. It's not exactly PC but not dirty either. My Mom told it to me, so it can't be too bad.
An elderly couple visits the doctor because the husband is not feeling well.
The doctor announces that he is going to need a urine specimen, a fecal specimen and a semen specimen.
The wife says, 'Fred, give him your underwear."
Elder humor. Gotta love it!
