So, my blogging buddy over at Squirrel Circus nominated me for a Beautiful Blogger award. 
How sweet is that? And totally unexpected! I'm supposed to list seven blogs that I enjoy, and so I've done that below. And then I'm supposed to list seven interesting things about myself. Since I'm not in love with that idea, I'm going to switch it up and list seven embarrassing moments from my life. I think we'll all enjoy that more!
7. When I was in kindergarten, a police officer came to speak to our class. (What does one say to a roomful of 5 year-olds?) Presumably, he was there to inspire all the boys who wanted to grow up to be just like him. After he had told us all about his job and his neat-o car, he asked if anyone had any questions. I promptly raised my hand, and he looked at me and said, "Yes, son?"
I felt my face turn red as I screeched with indignation, "I'm a GIRL!"
The teacher nodded at him sympathetically. "It's getting hard to tell these days," she offered.
"I'm right here! I can hear you!" I said.
6. You can read about the time I was humiliated in front of hundreds of people at a charity auction here.
5. Then, of course, there was the time my freshman year in high school that I thought it would be fun to dress up for Halloween. Except that I didn't have a costume…..or any money. So, I put on a shitload of makeup and wrapped a sheet around my body and told myself I was Cleopatra. Then I got to school and saw that NO ONE was dressed up for the day. You would think I would've run straight to the bathroom to change….but no. I clung to my idea. It took seeing myself in the mirror in the girl's bathroom about halfway through the day for me to realize I looked nothing like Cleopatra, but had managed a fair facsimile of a homeless hooker. I remember begrudgingly removing the thirty or so safety pins from the folds of my sheet sometime during the afternoon and stuffing the sad mess into my backpack.
4. Have you ever unexpectedly gotten your period while you were at the gym? And then wrapped layers of toilet paper around your undies because you really wanted to get your run in before you headed home? And then set off to complete five miles around the indoor track, not realizing that the friction of your movement was decimating that toilet paper? And then realized that the solid trail of white pieces of toilet paper all the way around the track was from you? Yeah, me neither.
3. On a different day at that same gym, I was running around the indoor track with my headphones on. Motion tends to cause motion, and it's not uncommon for runners (myself included) to find that running makes you have to go to the bathroom. And toot. Had I not had my headphones on, I would've remembered where I was…and I would have heard myself. But I completely wasn't paying attention and was letting myself toot my way around the track….until I noticed the people in front of me were turning around to see where it was coming from. And that's when I realized….ohmygodtheycanhearme. I feel I still owe those other runners an apology to this day.
2. I was in marching band.
That's it. That's the whole story.
1. And of course, last but not least, there is the time I sprinted down a jetway in an effort to make my connecting flight. I was wearing flip-flops and had taken a heavy dose of anti-anxiety medicine beforehand. It is perhaps for those reasons that, when a man's suitcase swung out and clotheslined me just as I had hit my stride, the result was a truly amazing exhibition of physics. My body lifted completely off the ground and flew forward approximately ten feet. During those brief moments of flight, my airy skirt flew over my shoulders, exposing my entire backside to the 150 or so passengers de-planing behind me. I landed with a grunt, spraining my ankle and skinning my knee. Not to be deterred, I got up, put on my one flip-flop that had flown off, and once again started to run. I bobbed and weaved my way through the entire length of the Dallas-Ft.Worth airport at full speed, breasts bouncing with wild abandon (much to the dismay and joy of the crowd), my skirt flipping up with each purposeful (and medicated) stride. Two other passengers were doing the same thing and we managed to make it to the gate just in time to catch our flight. Once I was seated on the plane, my leg began to swell and hurt, so I ordered a gin and tonic. I woke up several minutes later from the cold liquid of my drink spilling entirely in my lap because I had passed out while consuming it. So, yeah, that was pretty awesome.
If you're interested in reading blogs that I like (and I know you are!), here are some of my favorites. Some are funny, some are thoughtful, and others are just downright amazing.
www.nailsbails.com = Hilarious
www.thebloggess.com = Hilarious
www.dgmyers.blogspot.com = So smart and thoughtful. I really, really like this man's blog.
www.walterkirn.blogspot.com This guy is a ridiculously good (and famous) writer. He had some posts from 2012 that disappeared, but even his older ones are worth a read.
www.frivolousmonsters.wordpress.com This man often writes things that make me laugh out loud.
www.searunner.wordpress.com This is a photography blog. There are a ton on WordPress, but I really dig this guy's style.
www.squirrelcircus.wordpress.com She's quite funny. I have a feeling me and this gal would get along.
www.warriorwriters.wordpress.com This is Kristen Lamb's blog about writing. It's really good, and she's an excellent writer.
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