Everyone I've talked to has hated it. All the reviews I've read have been negative. So I went into Dark Shadows with low expectations. Because of my low expectations (or perhaps my complete lack of taste), I had a lot of fun with it.
And for me to say that I liked the latest Tim Burton/Johnny Depp collaboration (or "collab" as the kids say nowadays) is kind of a big deal. Their past two films, Alice in Wonderland and Sweeney Todd were both plenty bad. While it isn't exactly a return to form for the pair, Dark Shadows is definitely a step in the right direction.
Probably the real reason I had so much fun with Dark Shadows is because I saw it at the Clayton Theatre. If you've never heard of it, it's the only single screen old timey theater left in Delaware. Not only is the theater like walking into a time warp; the prices are low ($2 for popcorn) and they show Gumby cartoons before the previews instead of stupid commercials.
The first Gumby cartoon was The Black Knight (***). In this short, Gumby goes to medieval times where he uses an industrial magnet to remove a knight's armor. Then he gets challenged to a jousting contest by the titular villain. Naturally, Gumby uses the magnet again to relieve The Black Knight of his armor and publicly shame him in front of the king.
This cartoon was pretty funny. It wasn't as funny as the Martin Lawrence movie Black Knight, but it had its moments. I do have to take points off because Gumby's beloved sidekick is nowhere to be found. I mean really, Pokey should've been Gumby's horse during the jousting scene. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Other than that, I liked it OK.
Next up was The Block Heads (***). Gumby and his pal Pokey are being chased by their mortal enemies, The Block Heads when they sneak inside a book about the old west. Thinking they've lost them, Gumby and Pokey head down to the saloon for a milkshake. The Block Heads worm their way inside the book and manage to kidnap Pokey. Naturally, Gumby has to rescue his faithful pal.
The western setting really enhanced this cartoon. There are also a couple genuine laugh-out-loud moments to be had as well. However, the extended chase scene that concludes the short goes on too long and isn't all that funny. Despite its flaws, it was still a great way to kick off the night.
Then the movie started up.
Barnabas Collins (Johnny Depp) is in love with this hot chick, but since a jealous witch (Eva Green) is in love with him too, she kills his girlfriend and curses him to be a vampire. She also turns the townsfolk against him and they lock him up in a coffin and bury him alive. Cut to 1972 where Barnabas awakens from his centuries-long slumber to once again take up residence at his ancestral home. Of course, the witch is still hanging around and sets out to cause Barnabas and his family even more grief.
I know a lot of people complained about Barnabas' look in this movie. A lot of people have asked the question, why is Barnabas Collins' face so white? My guess is that he just found out his movie was opening up the week after The Avengers.
Joking aside, while some die-hard fans of the old soap opera will probably get pissed about the liberties that Tim Burton has taken with the source material, I thought they actually added to the experience. I'm sure fans will take issue that Burton turned the film into a gothic version of The Brady Bunch Movie, but I'll be goddamned if Johnny Depp doesn't sell the fish-out-of-water jokes it for all their worth. He gets a lot of Jonathan Frid's posturing right, yet is able to make the role his own. This is definitely his best performance in a long time.
If you came to the party wanting a good gothic soap opera, there is a measure of that here. The prologue is appropriately dark, offering a great mix of over the top melodrama and heavily stylized histrionics. Even when the movie switches gears and turns into a comedy, it still feels more or less like a soap opera as the love triangle between Barnabas, the witch, and his true love keeps chasing its tail seemingly without resolution. (Nothing says "soap opera" like an unending love triangle.)
When the love triangle does sort itself out, it comes via a cavalcade of special effects. It's here where Burton more or less throws up his hands and lets the CGI take over. The whole effects-laden finale is pretty grating and feels like an exhausting amalgam of Death Becomes Her, Beetlejuice, The Exorcist, and The Amityville Horror. Although Burton pretty much air balls the ending, the rest of Dark Shadows is still plenty entertaining; especially if you watch a couple of Gumby cartoons beforehand.
