I've decided I REALLY need to stop reading so much fanfiction (and maybe writing more actual stories instead). As time passes and I read story after story I'm beginning to think I've become slightly...delusional, or something. Either the delusion is affecting me or some people can just...write - or both. Veritably I find myself wanting to bawl my eyes out over everything, even something as stupid as two Anime characters pining over each other, or a universe that is demolished, like Reboot. (Granted, I am so IN these worlds when I'm reading <--- psychosis!)
Okay, so MAYBE that's a result of the work I do, not the fanfiction.
I feel like crying often these days...with no idea as to why - and most of the time I don't even do it because of a distraction. It's not a need but a feeling that disappears as suddenly as it arrives. Then I'm there, sitting solemnly in my chair, reliving a moment and a time with no real clue as to how I ever got there. Odd? I think not. Given the stress and the crisis and anxiety that fills my work and the facility every day, it goes without saying that Self-Care is so very important to the point of it becoming criminal if not done in proper incriments. That being said, I will be off for 4th of July tomorrow and plan to go to Anime Expo. However, there is a part of me that lives in a shadow realm full of chaos, screaming, crying, heartache, anger, hate - and yet another realm where everything is peaceful, beautiful, sunny, funny, soothing, etc. In any event, all this tells me is that I REALLY need to find another job and take a break from this work; or quit it completely. The battle and contradictions of THAT decision will continue. But for now, I need something different and not so...Social Work-ish; not even administrative Social Work.
I often find the extremity of my emotions a hindrence towards my ultimate goal of peace and balance. Perhaps this is just me being dramatic. Perhaps it is something more. Who knows? In the mean time, I will try to focus on achieving better results in regards to my writing and, of course, self-improvement in regards to a lovely balance of my emotions and such.
Who better to help me along the way than dearest Anders? If ever there was a tortured, conflicted, damned blaspheming soul seeking atonement, forgiveness, justice and peace, then it would be Dearest Anders.
Guess that means it's time to continue working on
Praevāricātor.
Source:
http://sadistic-kunais.livejournal.com/31877.html
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